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Post by ian on Jun 28, 2009 19:39:11 GMT
Two typewriters are sitting in the bathtub and one says "Pass the paper."
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Post by williemeikle on Jun 28, 2009 19:46:08 GMT
A seal pup walked into a club...
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Post by ian on Jun 28, 2009 20:52:11 GMT
I got up this morning and discovered that somebody had written "QWERTYUIOP" down the side of my car.
I think it's been keyed.
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Post by darrelljoyce on Jun 28, 2009 22:55:27 GMT
I'd reply, but my taste in jokes is not exactly politically correct....
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Post by steppedonwolf on Jul 3, 2009 21:26:29 GMT
Seems that Michael Jackson may not have died from a heart attack after all.
Reports of seeing him trip over a pushchair have been confirmed, but doctors say it's too early to blame it on the buggie...
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Post by ian on Jul 3, 2009 21:40:54 GMT
“Twister kills two, north-west of Atlanta”.
Must have been one hell of a game.
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Post by ian on Aug 14, 2009 6:36:51 GMT
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them".
They will be expecting you to join them, so you'll have the element of surprise.
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Post by metaltony on Aug 17, 2009 12:30:19 GMT
Peter Andre has revealed in an interview details of the last conversation he had with Jordan before they split.
Peter: "Your pussy reminds me of Man united's ground, Old trafford". Jordan: "What do you mean by that ?". Peter: "It has a large capacity and there's been loads of cocks in it over the years !".
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Post by TheWalkinDude on Aug 17, 2009 13:19:47 GMT
Whats white and blue and swings through the jungle?
a fridge wearing a denim jacket!
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Post by ian on Aug 17, 2009 19:37:05 GMT
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?
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Post by steppedonwolf on Aug 17, 2009 20:01:16 GMT
How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler...
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Post by amie29 on Aug 18, 2009 1:16:26 GMT
man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, 'My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night'? The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, 'We can't tell you. You're not a monk'. The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply, 'We can't tell you. You're not a monk'. The man says, 'All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk'? The monks reply, 'You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk' The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, 'I have traveled the earth and deoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236, 284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219, 999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth'. The monks reply, 'Congratulations, you are correct and now you are a monk'. 'We shall now show you the way to the sound'. The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door. The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, 'May I have the key'? The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, 'This is the key to the last door'. The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight!!! But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
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Post by steppedonwolf on Aug 20, 2009 18:55:50 GMT
man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, 'My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night'? The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, 'We can't tell you. You're not a monk'. The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply, 'We can't tell you. You're not a monk'. The man says, 'All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk'? The monks reply, 'You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk' The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, 'I have traveled the earth and deoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236, 284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219, 999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth'. The monks reply, 'Congratulations, you are correct and now you are a monk'. 'We shall now show you the way to the sound'. The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door. The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, 'May I have the key'? The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, 'This is the key to the last door'. The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight!!! But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk. Brilliant! ;D
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Post by ian on Aug 21, 2009 10:58:27 GMT
Do you know what floats my boat?
Water.
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Post by amie29 on Aug 21, 2009 12:27:53 GMT
haha =:0)
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