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Post by ian on Jun 11, 2009 22:33:20 GMT
Now I've been told to try to avoid these pesky buggers as much as possible.
Apparently, they are evil (Look, there's one)
Now, I've just written this
'It felt he was wearing a suit two sizes two big for him.'
My original line said this...
'It felt like he was wearing a badly fitting suit.'
Now I'm not happy with either of them but I prefer the line with that nasty adverb in the middle. Is this so wrong?
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Post by garymc on Jun 11, 2009 23:41:46 GMT
I prefer: "His suit looked two sizes too big for him". But that's just me. :-)
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Post by stevenpirie on Jun 13, 2009 9:30:36 GMT
Well, I think it's like everything else - best in moderation. Adverbs and adjectives have their place - when stalking rhythm in a sentence, perhaps - so to avoid them entirely is like leaving one tool unused in the box.
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Post by rakie on Jun 15, 2009 10:15:00 GMT
a lot of people don't like adverbs (especially editors) so i guess it's a good idea to cut as many out as possible.
how about "ill-fitting" rather than "badly fitting"? (while i'm being pedantic, shouldn't that be "badly fitted"...?) ;D
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Post by ian on Jun 15, 2009 10:18:35 GMT
This is what I ended up with -------- He lay against the side of his bed, the side of his head crushed into his rug. His mother was still hoovering up which was a relief, because if she had walked in here now, Alan suspected that the fat cow would have a bloody seizure. He was unable to move, stuck in this position and would be for another few minutes. After being inside Damien, his own body felt alien, like a suit three sizes too big for him and until the feeling crept back into his limbs he’d be stuck like this. ---------
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Post by rakie on Jun 15, 2009 10:25:21 GMT
sounds good, altho personally i don't like the repetition of "two" and "too" in the same sentence.
i'm sorry, i told you i was pedantic. ;D
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Post by stevenpirie on Jun 15, 2009 17:29:06 GMT
The mother 'hovering' puts an entirely different complexion to things, though :-)
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Post by ian on Jun 15, 2009 20:56:42 GMT
Shit. Didn't see that.
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Post by stevevernon on Jul 6, 2009 8:39:23 GMT
Use adverbs sparingly...
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