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Post by steppedonwolf on Jun 15, 2010 5:32:59 GMT
SUZANNE! Welcome, my Canadian friend.
Sorry your holiday to the UK has been ruined. All the phones are dead, we can't get signal anywhere.
Let me see that shovel. (Inspects the rusty coating) Hmm. Is this blood or rust?
Never mind. Not a moment too soon.
Triangle of Death, chaps! It worked in Pride & Prejudice & Zombies, so it may work here...
(Ian, Ade and Suzanne stand in the centre of the room, backs to each other, forming three points of a triangle.)
Ade tightens his grip on the machete, Ian chambers a fresh shell in the shotgun and Suzanne wields the shovel with a disconcerting expertise.
"You've done this before, haven't you Suzanne?" Ian mutters.
Suzanne smiles grimly. "Let's just say my arrival here is more of a...business trip. With some pleasure thrown in. Here, have a winegum."
The door falls to the ground with a crash of rotting timber. To Ian's right, a pair of green, putrefying arms push their way through the shattered remnants of the window. Glass slices the undead flesh which falls to the ground like pieces of rotten ham, but still they come.
Unearthly groans fill the air, and the undead enter.
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Post by Suzanne on Jun 16, 2010 0:50:23 GMT
"Make sure you suck on the winegum slowly..it was the last package in the store"
The flesh on the floor squirms and wriggles following the bony arms left behind.
Ade, Ian, and Suzanne are standing back to back in the Triangle of Death, and begin to strike at the oncoming enemies...
As Ade reaches back to raise the machete it catches in what is left of the wooden handle of Suzannes Shovel. A loud crack is heard as Ian fires the shotgun, the recoil sending him back and between Ade and Suzanne. The flesh moving underneath him.
"So you two made it nine months eh? Winegum?" Suzanne asks.
Ade looks over, " Yep, just watch this move"
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Post by Dreadlocksmile on Jun 16, 2010 10:03:32 GMT
As Ade prepares to launch into another one of his world renowned disco-moves, a burst of activity from the direction of the failing door catches everyone's eye.
Within seconds, in bursts a handsome man, plastered from head to toe in a congealed mess of blood and entrails. Beneath all the gore can be seen the unmistakeable features of a dashing young male, sporting a physique that would make an athlete blush.
Swooning at the sudden entrance of this new heroic figure, Suzanne and Ian stand there in shocked silence, their collective hearts dancing to the unmistakeable rhythm of utter unrelenting admiration.
Upon seeing this small group of survivors, the newcomer fires off a cheeky wink before slamming the open door shut; barricading it with heavy kitchen furniture located from around the room.
Turning back to face the flabbergasted trio, the muscular newcomer notices the survivor wearing a badge sporting the legend 'My name is Ian...and I'm here to help' is looking a little dizzy from the winegum that is currently lodged in his mouth.
"Alright darlings? I'm Chris. Fancy meeting you lot here!" declares the man's deep and musky voice.
With that Ian's legs fail; his body crashing to the floor in an unconscious state.
As Ade and Suzanne drop to the ground to help their overwhelmed friend, a shadow is slowly cast over their crouched bodies. Glancing upwards, Ade finds himself looking down the length of a shotgun.
Sweat pouring down his face, Ade's eyes stare into the deep dead eyes of Chris. The one they call DLS - King of the zombies. Only then do they see the rotting skin hanging off those taught muscles that had so transfixed the group.
Slowly, DLS's finger begins to squeeze both triggers of the shotgun....
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Post by bec on Jun 16, 2010 10:42:33 GMT
DLS pauses, as a newcomer arrives.
"Hey, let me in. I'm on your side. This red stuff dripping down my chin is just ketchup, honest. No, really. Put that broken shovel down. Ow! That bloody hurt!
Look in this bulging carrier bag (biodegradable, and 20 points for re-use - see, I'm good, really). I came with food for you poor starving souls... I have tins of beans, tofu burgers, and ketchup. I just got a bit peckish on the way... hence the ketchup on my chin...
You've gotta believe me. Put that shotgun down."
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Post by Suzanne on Jun 16, 2010 17:17:09 GMT
As DLS is distracted Ian quickly spits his winegum into one of the shotgun barrels. Ian gathers his wits about him.
Sorry about the shovel, we're a bit on edge as you can imagine, winegum?" Suzanne motions to grab the packet of winegums, but then thinks better when she looks at DLS, wondering who the heck he is.
"It was supposed to be a myth, he isn't supposed to exist..we're screwed' Ian promptly passes out. Not knowing what else to do Suzanne lodges another winegum in his mouth.
The newcomer backs up a bit and trips over the barricaded debris. "I swear Im a good guy, look at my bag, I've got plenty of food"
DLS smiles with sharklike charm at the newcomer. "Ketchup you say? Let me see". He walks towards the newcomer slowly.
Ade stands quickly and breaks into his disco move. Legs are flying, hands are everywhere, Saturnight Fever is heard in the background (coming out of Ades pocket), and a before unnoticed stainglass window is casting off a stobe effect.
Suzanne watches in amazement while periodically slapping Ian.
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Post by steppedonwolf on Jun 16, 2010 17:25:25 GMT
Knowing that his Bee Gees beard and teeth would come in useful one day, Ade astounds all by joining in the chorus to STAYING ALIVE.
An inhuman falsetto shrieks across the battleground, too high for humans to hear.
But like dogs, the unmentionables are receptive. They hear, they pause...and worryingly, they begin to move in time to Ade's Travolta grooves...
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Post by Suzanne on Jun 18, 2010 20:26:01 GMT
As Ade channels the master of disco, Ian comes to and stands up. Suzanne, Ian, and the newcomer all watch in amazement.
The newcomer looks around and asks, "What the hell is going on?"
Suzanne looks at her now empty bag of winegums and sadly tosses it on the ground.
Ian tries to answer but has to spit out three of the nasty candies before he can talk. "DLS, I never thought it was real. I was told stories by my Grandmother as a child. We all thought she was off her rocker, so we had her checked into a home somewhere for the Zombie obsessed."
Suzanne gives Ian a look, "Perhaps you would like to share that myth, considering Ade is about to pass out from disco exhaustion, and this new fellow is crying."
Ian clears his throat, "Right then.....
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Post by steppedonwolf on Jun 23, 2010 8:32:38 GMT
"Ade! Turn that bloody racket off!"
Ade switches off the iPod and smiles sheepishly. He smiles at Bec as she passes him a Tofu burger.
"Thanks - but I'll pass on the ketchup."
Even the zombies are silent as Ian begins his harrowing tale.
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Post by steppedonwolf on Jul 5, 2010 19:01:59 GMT
"Many moons ago, a dark tale was told amongst the peoples of my tribe. Of a walking, talking, living doll...
How he wishes to be known, of course. He would tell you that his gorgeousness inspired the likes of the Lord of the Undead, Cliff Richard, to write a haunting ballad. But do not be fooled, fellow survivors! DLS is NOT an acronym for DreadLockSmile. It points to something far, far darker..."
"Disgusting Liver Sausage?" enquires Bec.
A low chuckle from the self-styled King of the Zombies. Ian pauses and sighs.
"No, not Disgusting Liver Sausage. Although, that would explain a lot..."
"Deer Like Saltlicks?" asks Suzanne.
DLS chuckles darkly. "I could say I'd like to lick your salt, dear..."
Ian shakes his head. "Have you not realised? Why else is there this disgusting dead-fish smell from his crotch?"
"Ah," Suzanne nods. "Dead Like Sushi."
"Good Lord!" Ade drops his weapon in shock. "You mean to say that...that, there's a Lovecraftian connection? Has DLS gained his awesome powers of undeadness by nibbling on Captain Marsh's Innsyermouth Fishy Kebabs?"
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Post by Suzanne on Jul 6, 2010 17:46:35 GMT
Ian nods his head somberly. " It was just a legend, we never thought for a minute that it could be true."
Ade still in shock, " Then all the controversy over mercury was right? Damn!"
Bec looks around confused. " I still don't get the crotch connection, did I miss something?"
DLS looks over at Bec with what might have been a smirk, however the fact that an eyebrow had fallen off at some point during his battles, the effect was lost.
Suzanne looks at the rations the newcomer brought, and noticing several cans of tuna she makes her way over on the sly and begins to kick them into a debris pile.
With the last can of tuna hidden away Suzanne looks at DLS. " I knew that smell wasn't me, I had a shower at the most a month ago."
Ade recovers his composure and picks up his weapon, he raises an eyebrow at Suzanne and not so casually moves away. " Right then, so if this is all true then there is only one way to kill you.."
Ade's words are cut off....
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Post by steppedonwolf on Jul 8, 2010 15:38:30 GMT
...by a ferocious roar from DLS.
His jaw drops to the floor - quite literally - with a wet thudding sound and a splash of sticky ichor.
A foul, unearthly stench fills the room, a banshee-like shriek from the portal that has suddenly opened in DLS' gaping maw. White, shrouded figures spill out, flitting across the room like shrouds. Shrouds with faces...
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Post by Suzanne on Jul 8, 2010 15:49:28 GMT
Shrouds not like Turin.
Shrouds with hands that lash out. Hands that grab ankles and knock people to the floor.
As the tiny people in tiny shrouds with tiny faces and hands spill out of the DLS portal...a noticeable shift in the air pressure occurs.
Ade, Bec, Suzanne, and Ian all start to move towards the portal. The law on the floor moving in a silent laugh.
All at once.." What are we supposed to do now?" Everyone is trying to catch hold of something but failing miserably because they have to fight off the tiny shroud people.
The portal gets larger...
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Post by steppedonwolf on Jul 10, 2010 8:19:58 GMT
The gaping black maw of DLS hungrily sucks in the fittings and furniture of the room. Lamps, cushions and the sofa fly through the Shroud People, who are immune to the dark gravitational pull.
Ian wedges the shovel into a gap in the floorboards and desperately clings on. Suzanne manages to hold on to Ian's legs, but the Shroud People wrap themselves around them both. Suffocating them.
Bec is hanging onto the curtain rail, her shopping bag pressed between her knees.
Ade's fingernails carve deep gouges in the bare wood as he's pulled towards the DLS portal. His fingernails snap off at the quick and he plummets helplessly towards the portal. But he manages to grab hold of the rotting jaw of DLS that remained on the floor...
The contents of Bec's shopping bag are flung across the room, but she holds onto one last item.
She smiles grimly as she takes the bottle in her mouth and uncaps it...
...and then allows it to slip through her fingers. It hurls itself towards the DLS portal, the red fluid escaping and sucked greedily in by DLS.
Ade sees the label of the bottle just before he too is sucked in. The overpowering stench of Project Blue's Extra Hot Chilli Sauce sears his nostrils but he smiles, knowing that his sojourn into the dark land of DLS will not be for long...
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Post by steppedonwolf on Sept 11, 2010 20:43:41 GMT
...but the Shroud People have another trick up their voluminous sleeves...
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Post by ian on Sept 15, 2010 18:43:06 GMT
Ian opens one eye, he wipes something warm, wet and sticky off his face. What the hell happened? He wondered. There are other people lying on the bare floorboards but, at the moment, he can't remember their names. What happened? Why can he not remember? All he can hear is the sound of their breathing.
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